Eky's 2Cents

Monday, July 07, 2014

What do you say to a woman who can not have children?

Hello and a Marvelous Monday to you all. So below I'll be sharing the stories of some ladies who found out that they can not have children. Touching stuff, I tell you. It is a reality most people live with and don't even speak out. However, today's a clarion call for you to please share your tale; either how you feel, what you've been subjected to or how you cope with seeing people carry their babies past you.




I found out I was infertile at the age of 13. I was diagnosed with Turners Syndrome. I wasn't really prepared for how I would feel as I got older. I've always known I wanted children and I was upset when I found out but obviously I was still young so didn't know how upsetting it would be as I got older. I am now 21 and suddenly the world is having babies. My sister has a beautiful baby girl and two of my friends have lovely babies. I enjoy being around them obviously l. But it really upsets me because it just reminds me of what I can't have. Don't get me wrong I am so happy for them and I love their little monkeys, but it's hard. I have really bad days sometimes where I don't know whether to be angry and upset. I hate the fact that people who are useless parents get children and it seems all the good people are just left childless! It just seems so bloody unfair! Some days I just cry and don't know what to do with myself. I work with children as I thought 'its as close as I'm going to get' and it helped me for a while. But now I am finding it really hard and come home upset. I can't help but think 'what the hell is wrong with me, what kind of girl can't even have babies'. I know I am only 21 but I am really starting to find it hard. I've always wanted someone in my life to call me Mummy. When I was younger, my Mum used to say 'I want, don't get' ... Ironic huh? Because I want a baby, and I can't have one! Please tell me it gets easier? (Anonymous)
I am 23 and was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 disorder 2 years ago. I am not on lithium, but I am on another medication that has to totally balance me out. It's not as harsh as lithium, but I'll have to be on it for the rest of my life. It causes major birth defects and if I were to get off of the medication, the combination of hormonal changes and my bipolar would put me at very high risk for postpartum psychosis. The idea of that is absolutely terrifying as it can lead to mental break downs, no bond between mother and child, and, worst case, infanticide. I've never been the maternal sort, never played "house" or "mommy" as a kid and I was never sure if I wanted to be a mother at all. I don't feel much around babies or kids. They're cute, but they don't interest me. It makes me feel like a bad person because I don't fawn over kids. Now that having my own isn't an option anymore, I am having a really hard time accepting it. I'm not sexually active, but when I do become so, it means that I will most likely have to look at getting my tubes tied because it could be life threatening for me to get pregnant. I know it sounds dramatic, but you can't mess around with bipolar. Adoption never felt right to me either so I feel like I'm never going to find anyone. It's just something I never thought I'd have to consider as my situation is different because I am physically healthy and able to have children, but at the same time, I can't. All of my friends around me are getting married and having babies and just don't seem to understand. They just assume that it's not a big deal because I was never sure in the first place, but you don't realize what you have until it is taken away from you.
I hope that this helps other women with mental illness and other young women out there that you are not alone. There are others like us that struggle a lot. Like someone said, I just have to talk a lot and get my feelings out.

P.S.
Any word for these young ladies? It must hurt to be in their shoes.

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